Of Men and Birds – Diva Magazine

Men are like birds, believes Lauren Frances. In her book she explains about mating dances, mating calls, catch and pairing methods, and shows, how to get a man to eat from your hand. She spoke with diva about good tips for committed hobby ornithologists.

What are the three most important signals that it’s best to keep away from a guy?

First warning sign: a wedding ring on his finger, or when he only talks about another women during your date, or if he’ll meet another woman later. One should stick with men who are free emotionally – and literally. If another woman already ‘marked’ him somehow – hands off, or the woman is asking for unbelievably bad dating-karma! If you get involved with an attached man, or find out about an attachment, call me immediately. Then you need a bit of psychological fine-tuning.

Second warning sign: he says things like: “I’ve never really been in love,” or “My ex was nuts, so I’ve stayed single.” There’s a secret about men that I’ll tell you here, and if you internalize it, you’ll be better protected from lovesickness than with a machine gun: Men will tell you their deepest secrets on the first and second – after that they clam up for the next two years. Then you’ll have to force him to talk about his “commitment issues”. It’s a small window of opportunity to get important information! Listen closely to what he tells you! The most important information is often hidden between the lines when he talks about his newest business venture or travels. By the way: the relevant information is often packaged as a joke.

Third warning sign: He’s a “wounded bird.” Caution, the wounded bird had his wings broken once. He is very fragile – at least that’s what he projects, because his false sensibility is a powerful weapon. His excuse: “My ex hurt me deeply – she cheated on me – and this should continue: “and that’s why I’ll drive you nuts, because I’ll be double-checking every move you make!” His initial interest, the frequent phone calls and the regular peep-sound of his SMS texts soon isn’t sweet anymore, but can quickly become suffocating. Caution – the wounded bird is stalker-material.

Birds – there it is. In “Dating, Mating, and Manhandling. The Ornithological Guide to Men”, men are compared to our feathered friends.

Which now is the best bird – the lovebird?

In short: those who are prepared to build a nest. They’re emotionally secure, don’t have dramatic problems which keep them from connecting, they’re direct and usually propose within 6 months.They’re stable at work, don’t want sex with the ex, even have thoughts of a house. He says sentences like: “I’d like to get married” with the same ease as “My firm is looking for a receptionist.”

Where can I meet my lovebird?

The wonderful things about men is definitively – they are truly everywhere. One should look – what specimen do I want by my side? Best are weekends in heavily male-populated regions. But: You should get off the beaten path of the other men hunters. Such bird sanctuaries are potentially home improvement stores. But caution – here some birds already built their nests! Sporting events also generally work well; here you can find the biggest flocks of the different species. Women should prepare themselves though: they may want to google the names of the players before an important football game. Hover around the beer booths. Or organize a betting pool with some colleagues – it’s amazing how many men one can end up talking to! Don’t place your own bet according to jerseys – often the gamblers with the least experience end up doing quite well.

Okay, I met my lovebird and have a date – what should I talk about?

Of course you talk about what most men like to discuss: themselves! Validate his manhood. That’s just how it is: Men need validation.

Lauren Frances