I shared part one of my interview with love coach extraordinaire Lauren Frances. Read it here. She shared some practical advice to follow that will help you suss out if you are on the same page as a new guy, both looking for the same things, and if he’s into you for the long haul (not just for the time-being). In other words, how to know if this is a guy you could really end up with.
Today, it’s time for part two, and this topic’s a doozy. It’s all about to make good dating decisions and not be swayed by physical attraction.
You know when you’re seeing a guy who’s so hot, your panties are basically melting off? You can laugh, but it’s happened to you. It’s happened to all of us. And chemistry has a crazy way of totally taking over; when you’re attracted to someone, you often have no idea if you’re right together or you just think you are because you desperately want him all over you. Ready to quit that pattern and learn how to make a clear, rational decision, even if the guy looks like Channing Tatum? Let’s do it.
How to date a guy you’re really attracted to:
“Having chemistry with someone is kind of like driving while drunk—you can’t keep your eyes on the road and focus because you’re so lost in the moment,” says Frances. Now, that’s not to say that you shouldn’t have chemistry. You should! But when you have it from the get-go, it can actually be a hindrance: a strong attraction makes you especially prone to overlooking incompatibilities. “Chemistry means you’re compatible in one room: the bedroom. You also need to make sure you’re compatible in the living room, the dining room, etc.,” says Frances.
Here’s what you need to do:
“You want to be clear about your relationship goals—a lot of women aren’t committed to them deeply enough. They go on dates and they’re just trying to see if they feel any spark. Am I turned on? Is he cute? Does he have a great job? If you want to get married and have a family then you have to approach dating like you’re interviewing candidates for that job,” says Frances. That means his loyalty, commitment, and desire to raise kids with you have to be there—Hey! Are you listening to us or are you thinking about his abs again? Focus for a second, this is important.
How to ensure you’re connecting on a deeper level:
“The most important thing to do is keep your wits about you. Don’t get drunk on the first three dates. Do proper research and see who you’re dating. I have my clients ask men what the most important thing to them in life is—what is it that drives them, that they want to accomplish more than anything else. They will then tell you what that thing is. He might say ‘I’m really focused on getting my master’s degree and I’m working 60 hours a week.’ That is not a person that’s going to be able to spend a lot of time falling in love and creating a family with you because he’s busy building his career.”
Isn’t her advice so spot-on? So many of us complicate the search for the right guy by giving the wrong guys too many chances. And just because a man is pursuing you or interested in you doesn’t mean he’s the right guy for you. It’s up to us as women to look deeper, ignore all the surface distractions (including overwhelming chemistry), and really get to the meat of who this person is and if he wants the same things we do.
Article by Marissa Gold